Is It a Slump… or the Start of Something? (Hard to Tell When You’re This Tired)

I'm in the pit of despair. Help!

The audiobook is out. (Check it out here)

I should feel proud. I should feel energised. I should feel like I’m building something.

Instead, I feel like I’m shouting into the void—again.

There’s no parade. No wave of sales. No glowing reviews. Just the echo of all the energy I poured into it bouncing back with a quiet thud. You press publish and hope for a ripple, and sometimes it just sinks.

This week, I’ve considered quitting. Not writing, obviously—I’d still write—but quitting this. The building, the platforming, the marketing, the strategy, the shouting. Getting a job in a nice quiet shop where people just want a receipt and not a plot twist. No need for ads, cover design, or trying to squeeze blood from a financial stone.

Because truthfully, I don’t have the money to invest right now. Not in editors, not in designers, not in visibility. I’ve been doing it on grit and stubbornness. That gets you far, but not always far enough.

So I’ve cleaned the house from top to bottom. Because when you feel like you’ve lost control of the thing you want to be doing, you default to scrubbing the skirting boards like they hold the answers.

But here’s the catch: what if I’m one inch away from the thing that changes everything?
What if the book is good, the audiobook will land, and I just can’t see it yet because I’m stuck in the bit that always feels the hardest?

I don’t want to walk away just before it gets interesting.

So for now, I’m standing still. Not quitting. Not rushing. Just pausing long enough to feel it—and then get back to work, when I can.

If you’re in a slump too, I see you. It’s not a failure. It’s part of it.

And if you’re not: send snacks.

- H. J. x

New to me and my writing?

I’m H. J. Smith-Williams: novelist, screenwriter (in progress), and founder of the £1.5M Project—a year-long experiment to see how far words, wit, and stubborn execution can go.

You can expect fiction, industry breakdowns, unapologetic ambition, and the occasional author confession.

If that sounds like your kind of chaos, you’re in the right place.

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