Taking a Break, Failing Interviews, and Making a Come Back

I played at being normal. It didn't work. So I'm back to writing the strange stuff.

I have a confession. This summer, I didn’t write. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t. With the kids at home, the house is never quiet, and with no stretch of uninterrupted hours, the words just wouldn’t come. It’s not like my kids are hard work or anything, but I’m the sort of writer who needs silence (or maybe the electric buzz of the fridge next to me in the kitchen) to sit and write. So I stopped pretending and took a break.

But instead of focusing on my passion, I filled out job applications. I told myself maybe a proper job was the answer. Something stable. Something sensible. I’d be able to write in my lunch hour, after work, or early in the morning (who am I kidding?) And for a while, it almost was. I went to many first interviews and second interviews—more than one. I dressed the part. I pitched myself. I said all the right things. I did the tests and found myself thinking, “Why the fuck am I here?” as I manually typed out an article that needed editing—why didn’t they just give me a digital version to edit and rewrite?

Even after ignoring my inner monologue, I would leave thinking maybe, just maybe, this was the one.

It wasn’t.

And after the last polite rejection email, I realised something: I’d been putting the same effort into trying to impress strangers and grow their businesses as I could have been putting into my own work. If I’m going to fight this hard for something, I’d rather fight for myself.

That doesn’t mean this writing gig is suddenly lucrative. It doesn’t mean the next book will magically catch fire. It just means I’ve stopped looking sideways. No more CVs. No more “we’ll be in touch.” I’m back at the desk. Back to the books, the blogs, the scripts, the experiments, and the slow-building machine that is the £1.5M Project.

This time around, I’m expanding what “writer” means for me. I’m changing my Instagram from H. J. Smith-Williams Author to Holly Smith-Williams Writer—because I’m not just writing books anymore. I’m writing scripts. I’ve spent the summer scribbling down new ideas for TV series, stories that feel too big to stay on the page, and I’m so excited about them.

Right now, that means pushing The Private Yacht forward, writing here on Brilliance & Bastardry, and building the kind of body of work that one day might be taken notice of.

I still feel like I’m at the beginning, but that's okay, because it’s my beginning and I’d rather fail at this than succeed at something that doesn’t light my fire.

So yes, I took a break. Yes, I went chasing jobs. And no, none of them wanted me, which might be the best outcome of all. Because I’m back here, doing this, with you.

They say everything happens for a reason, don’t they?

Sorry for my wobble, but this time, I’m not stepping away.

Holly x

P.S. I have a secret to tell you next week! And it’s exciting!